an explanation will follow

so i did that thing drunk people tend to do: i made a bad decision.
this decision happens to have been made several times in the past.
each time i become more of the "bad person". odd, cos this decision is really a two personer.

i reran on a hook up that has always ended badly.
i know that she likes me, but it must be clear as day that - while i think she's a fantastic person - i'm just not gonna get my ring out and tie us together in any way what so friggin ever.

now the best part of the wannabe campus gay mafia have it in for me.
this particularly sucks cos one of the dons is/was my object of like.
also, her mates still have two of my hats. i need them back, but it's quite possible that i may lose them.

if her friends are anything like mine, there might even be a ritual burning.
no, wait, her friends are self-righteous, self-important, never not got a first people. they are nothing like my people.

all for you

i've been using up all my internet cap looking for the right photo to copy and paste onto my facebook wall so when it  comes up in your news feed you will think: wow, that is so cool and stuff. this girl must be so cool and stuff.
you will also know, even though i won't tell you, that i pasted it there just for you. just so you would look at it.
then, in a flash reminiscent of the crappy special effects we grew up with, you will realise that what i'm trying to get you to realise is that i kinda like you*.
all this without me saying a single word.

obviously i haven't yet found this picture.
so a handful of words on a blog no one reads will have to do.

*(actually - i really like you)

learning

look. i'm writing again.
i must be avoiding something ridiculously painful. like studying.

it's odd. i want to be an academic. really i do. why settle for ms when i can have randomus latinus after my name? only shit thing is studying. i like learning, but tests make me wanna spend the afternoon cataloguing my not so not stolen music. and - apparently - blog. but i only have one more.

one more test. in my life (maybe).
really it's one test, four exams. but exams are a different flavour. i'm better at exams than tests. tests have that air of unseriousness (i mean, it feels like if you stuff up there's always the exam to fix things). exams have a finality even i can't ignore. it's like a weight.

next year it's just learning. and writing. and maybe play teaching.
paradise. well, easy lifestyle rather.
also, lots of guitar. next year there'll be lots of guitar.

maybe i should sleep.
can't - drank too much coffee.
maybe i should study. ha, that was funny.

did i forget?

yes.

i totally forgot i had a blog. don't blame me though - it's all pathology. i'm adhd - wait, no. not anymore. i have gad now. same symptoms, same meds, shorter acronym.

it just means i have trouble concentrating on the important things. like how many sugars you said you wanted in your tea. or like on these 300+ pages i have to cram for friday's test.

yeah, the last one's a bummer.

PS: i am twenty two and six months now - with some bronze coins for change.

twenty one, three months, some extra

i have no doubt that these are the best days of my life - it's actually the firm belief that it's all downhill here on that really worries me.

i'm eking out the last few possible moments as my parent's financial burden, am scientifically unemployable, have the usual fortune due in student debt and have no idea where this is all leading. by this i don't just mean this loosely constructed, badly grammertised text; i mean the bigger this in life. what am i going to do with mine.

thing is, i do have a definite and organised skill set. it's just useless.
it has taken me twenty one years, three months and some extra to realise that no one's ever gonna pay me to party (and i mean lohan effects), play video games from the late nineties (final fantasy, the first few tekkens and the like) and that playing at being a rockstar won't actually get me on a real stage.

i s'pose this is my quarter life crisis. and thinking about death at eighty five kinda makes me wonder what the flippity flip I'm gonna be doing for the next sixty four earth cycles.

really wish i could get all middle aged and buy a brand new something shiny with wheels - but i don't even have a something dull on wheels.

I'm sorta a maths geek. So naturally I'm pursuing a degree in number stuff (although pursue is too active a word). As a result, I never get to talk about the media and use words like... well, I don't know what words to use. Maybe words like gender decomposition. And definitely phallic. Oo, maybe even - no, I really don't know.

Instead of talking like someone with a very extensive beret collection, or a lack of friends, I get to say stuff about distribution theory and the validity of non-parametric... (yawn)

That's got nothing to do with this post though.

This post is actually about nickelodeon.

I'm busy not doing the clearing up, which lead me to tv (obvs). And there's never anything on tv. Never. Well, there's always sports. and music. and k-tv - I mean nickelodeon.

Kids tv is never the most inspired, but one can always semi switch off knowing that the jock will get the girl and she'll be like way excited. Way, way excited. And even though I'm a good ten years older than their expected market, I'm kinda upset by this.

Not because there isn't enough representation or whatever, but because I feel that nickelodeon let's kids think it's ok to be that predictable and boxable. Which is negligible if you're dealing with Yank kids. I think the entire child geared society there is about producing the perfect minions. But here?
What ever happened to the K-tv that preached about singing about it? Shouting about it? Going out and being the awesome, shiny, bright rainbow-fed children of the new?

It got over us. Or rather, the next set of decision makers decided that it'd be so much easier to out source.

The Resignation

I'm officially out.
No, not of the closet, haven't been back there in years. I mean out of the game that is blogging.
Seems my audience consists solely of the dude who monitors the use of the varsity's computers.

Plus it's a recession, better quit before I get let go.